“He hides when visitors come”

Friends say “he just needs to get used to me” and reach out a hand, and he looks more worried than ever. He isn’t being rude, and you haven’t failed to socialise him. Hiding is a sensible thing for a worried puppy to do. Your job is to make visitors predictable and safe, and to let him decide how close he wants to be.

Why visitors are so much for him

A visitor is a stranger arriving in his safe place, often with a noisy doorbell, excited voices and people trying to touch him. That’s a lot of new things at once.

Many worried puppies are torn. Part of them is curious and wants to say hello, and part of them wants to get away. The closer they get, the stronger the urge to leave becomes. That’s why he creeps forward and then bolts. It isn’t a mixed message; it’s a puppy working out whether he’s safe.

Puppies can feel fear from a few weeks old, and those with a hard start before they came home may find strangers harder still.

Before anyone arrives

• Give him a safe place. A bed or covered crate in a quiet room, somewhere he can always go and where nobody follows him. Visitors don’t go in there, ever.
• Make the arrival quieter. Ask people to text instead of ringing, and open the door before they knock.
• Have a plan for the first few minutes. Arrivals are the hardest part. He might be in his safe room with a long-lasting chew while everyone comes in and sits down, then let out once the house has settled.
• Give him something that means “safe”. A mat or blanket he loves, built up with food and calm time on ordinary days, can come out when visitors do. Use it at other times too, so it doesn’t only appear before strangers.

When visitors come

The kindest visitor is a slightly boring one. Brief them before they arrive:

The treats come from you, not the visitor. Toss a treat away from the visitor when he looks at them, or when he moves away again. He gets something good, and he gets more space, so there’s no pressure to come closer than he’s ready for. Treats offered from a stranger’s hand can pull a puppy in before he’s sure, and then he panics when he finds himself up close.

Reading him

Signs he’s torn or worried include:

• darting in and out, or circling the visitor
• leaning forward with his back end held back
• sudden sniffing, scratching or shaking off
• licking his lips, yawning, turning his head away
• freezing, or refusing a treat he’d normally take

Read them together, not one at a time. If he’s taking treats, sniffing around and moving freely, he’s coping. If he stops eating, freezes or retreats to his safe place, let him stay there and leave him in peace.

Building it up, one calm visitor at a time

1. Start with one person he’s met before, or the calmest friend you have.
2. Keep it short. Ten or fifteen minutes, then they leave while he’s still relaxed.
3. Repeat with the same person a few times before adding someone new. Lots of quiet, uneventful visits teach him more than one big gathering.
4. Add people one at a time, and go back a step with each new one.
5. Plan a quiet day after a busy one. Stress builds up, and a puppy who coped on Saturday may struggle on Sunday.

The aim isn’t a puppy who greets everyone. It’s a puppy who can be in the room, relaxed, while people come and go. Some dogs will always prefer to watch from a distance, and that’s fine.

What to avoid

• Passing him around or putting him on a visitor’s lap. If he can’t get away, fear can grow quickly.
• Pulling him out of his hiding place. His safe place only works if it stays safe.
• Luring him closer with treats. He may come for the food and then panic when he realises how close he is.
• A party as his first experience of visitors. First experiences count for a lot.
• Telling him off for growling. A growl is him asking for space. Give it to him, and he won’t need to say it louder.